We’ve all been there- baby is cranky because of gas, teeth, congestion, or one of a dozen other possible reasons, we haven’t slept, the house is even more of a mess than usual, and every tiny thing feels like a disaster. What do you do on a day like that? Here are some things that have helped me over the years.
Self-regulation Being able to notice when I’m getting dysregulated and address it in the moment has become one of my most helpful parenting skills. Something as simple as putting it into words like I’m feeling overwhelmed right now or This is really frustrating helps to relieve the intensity of the emotions by getting me back into my thinking brain. Slowing down my breathing helps too. Bonus: babies coregulate by mirroring your physical state so holding them close while taking slow, deep breaths can help to calm them as well.
Plan for a break As much as we might want to get away from a stressful situation, as a parent we have many responsibilities we need to manage. Something that got me through many long days of solo caregiving was knowing that I had a break coming later that day or week. Making a plan with your partner, extended family, or a paid caregiver to give you a few hours off at a specific time gives you a reminder that this won’t last forever.
Do something for yourself When life gets overwhelming, we tend to focus on the urgent and let everything else slide. Sometimes we have no choice. Screaming babies are hard to ignore. Kids must be fed, and dangerous items must be kept away from curious toddlers. But the more bits and pieces of self-care you can sneak in, the better equipped you will be to handle all the challenges. Drink some water, stretch or dance or go for a walk, take a bath with your baby, put on some soothing music. It’s not going to magically solve all your problems, but if you can make yourself feel even a little better with minimal effort, why wouldn’t you?
Watch your stories Our thoughts about what’s happening in our lives can mean more than the actual events. If your baby won’t stop crying, you might be thinking “What is wrong with me? I must be really messing up. My baby doesn’t like me. She’s spoiled because I’ve been holding her too much. I’m doing it wrong. She’s upset and uncomfortable and I can’t fix it and I will never sleep again.” It might not even make sense, but it feels real. On the other hand, if you recognize these thoughts for what they are, stories your brain is making up to explain what’s going on, you can start to come up with other stories that can change your whole outlook. For example “Wow, my baby must be feeling really uncomfortable right now. I’m grateful that I have this chance to show her that I am here for here in a tough time. She really needs my love and I’m giving it to her the best way I can. I am setting a good example by taking care of myself so that I can also meet her needs. This is really hard and it’s ok for me to feel overwhelmed, upset, sad, or however else I’m feeling right now. Being human doesn’t make me a bad mom. Everyone has hard days, there are more good times ahead.”
If your struggles go beyond the occasional bad day and these suggestions aren’t enough to help them feel manageable, please reach out for support. A family member, close friend, or medical professional that you already have a relationship with can be a good place to start. Local moms groups, community organizations, and doulas can also offer resources. Postpartum Support International is another place to go. To learn more about my newborn care and community building support, visit my homepage or book a free virtual coffee chat.