I’ve never really been one for making new year’s resolutions, but through the chaos of the past several months, I have been thinking a lot about the kind of person I want to be and what that looks like. No matter how many forces seem to be swirling out of control, one thing I can always choose is how I want to show up in the world. This year, I’m focusing on cultivating five essential qualities—ones that help me navigate life with more joy, resilience, and authenticity.
1. Care
What I care about and take care of shows what is important to me. Where I place my attention is important, because care thrives in connection, appreciation, and reciprocity. I’m getting clear on my values by being more intentional about investing my resources (time, energy, brain space, finances) in those things. The more we are able to see the value of ourselves, others, and our environment, the more we care, and the more we act. And even the smallest actions, done with care, can have a huge impact. Checking in with a friend, sharing a smile or a meal with a neighbor, taking a nap when I need it, or spending time in nature are just a few of the ways I can choose to step out of my default and live in more alignment with what really matters to me.
2. Compassion
To me, compassion means choosing to soften my heart toward the reality of human experience—mine and others’. Compassion balances care by making space for perspectives beyond my own. While care often comes with an attachment to outcomes, compassion reminds me that our value isn’t earned or based on my understanding or opinions. We all, myself and others, have value simply because we exist. I often fall short of my expectations, don’t see the results I hoped for, or feel weighed down by unmet needs, and in those times there is an urge to find a solution, make it all better, or just give up and stop caring altogether. Instead, I can make a choice to build this skill of sitting with the discomfort, rather than rushing to distract or distance myself from it. I can do so by seeking out stories of lives different than my own, noticing my responses, and honoring myself as I am each day.
3. Courage
It’s not always easy to make choices based on care and compassion. Life is complicated, and we are doing our best to get by in a world that is pulling us in many directions at once. Courage can look like a lot of things, depending on the person and the circumstance, but it always involves a refusal to let fear take control. Instead, I can acknowledge the impulse to protect, and make a decision to act (or not) based on my values and the information available to me. With courage, I can set aside the need to protect myself from discomfort, judgement, or rejection in order to stand up for something that I believe is more important. I can practice courage by allowing myself to feel vulnerable do new things, with a willingness to fail, to learn, and to try again. When I am moving towards my values, the I can celebrate the feeling of fear as a sign that I’m going further than I ever have before.
4. Creativity
Sometimes the right thing to do isn’t obvious, or the obvious thing to do isn’t right. Being human means being faced daily with questions we can’t answer and circumstances we can’t control. The instinct to pull inwards, to protect and survive and fight for our own is strong- and necessary- but when it takes over completely, it leaves no room for the beauty, joy, and pleasure that make life meaningful. When fear and anxiety shrink us down, urging us to cling to the safe and familiar, creativity invites us to step out, explore, and expand. Even the smallest steps towards doing, making, or feeling something that brings me joy helps to turn down the volume on those alarm bells in my head so that I can once again choose to care and connect with compassion and courage.
5. Connection
Connecting- to myself, my family, my community, and my world- requires courage, creativity, compassion, and care. In fact, the more I think about each of these qualities, I see how they each support and enhance the others. These threads weave their vibrant colors throughout my life. Every decision I make, from the seemingly insignificant to the life-altering, is an opportunity to make them visible again, to move towards or away from who I want to be and the world I want to live in. Life can be overwhelming, and our circumstances, needs, and emotions are constantly shifting and interacting with those around us. Perfection is never the goal. But each day I find opportunities to come back to these qualities and let them shape how I show up in the world. Here’s to a year of creativity, compassion, courage, connection, and care.
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